By Dianna Steele
A reflection of God’s redemption in our desperation,“Starting Over” is a six-week workshop born of one man’s desire to facilitate healing in individuals dealing with the loss of a significant relationship.
Mark Skalberg, Director of MOSAIC Single Adult Ministries at Woodmen Valley Chapel, made a substantial investment in researching the subject of divorce at Fuller Theological Seminary during the summer of 1991. Out of his burden for God’s people impacted by divorce, Mark began developing the Starting Over program. Dubbed a “recovery process,” the purpose of Starting Over is to welcome people of all backgrounds, faiths, and experiences into an open, safe environment where they receive practical guidelines for coping with divorce, separation or other significant relationship loss. Within the context of a supportive community, individuals struggling with the pain of a shattered relationship find acceptance and hope.
Lisa came as a separated mom of two boys. Her background was that of a strong Christian culture, having even homeschooled for a time. Facing divorce, Lisa needed help not only for herself but for her children. Describing her pain as “palpable,” Lisa felt she was wearing a big “D” across her chest, and her heart was breaking over her children’s suffering.
Gary, a successful businessman married for 26 years, never suspected the word “divorce” would become part of his vocabulary, let alone his personal experience. Feeling like a “loser,” Gary felt tremendous shame and a natural human resistance to admit he was a man in need of help.
On the surface, Ronlyn could have been perceived as having it all … a 15-year marriage, serving in WVC ministries with her spouse, three beautiful children and a satisfying career. Divorce was “unacceptable” in her view. Ronlyn was shocked when it happened to her. Profoundly impacted by the new label “Single Adult,” she completely dropped out of church for a time.
These stories might have had totally devastating outcomes if not for one thing these individuals share in common. All three acknowledged their pain, set aside their feelings of shame and signed up for a Starting Over Workshop. All three struggled with walking through the door of that first relationship recovery session. Yet, ultimately each of them received help and support beyond their wildest expectations.
Ronlyn acknowledged that divorce was not part of God’s perfect plan but since she could not escape the reality of it in her life, she had a choice to make. Not long after her experiences in divorce recovery, she returned to WVC where her eyes were opened to the profound pain of others suffering from relationship loss. She knew she had to get involved and shortly thereafter, she became a facilitator for Starting Over.
Gary and Lisa have similar testimonies. They emerged from their own season of healing eager to share what God had done in their situations. “Starting Over was a place where I knew I was accepted and I could be real,” Gary shared.
“Not long after I completed the workshop, I contacted Mark to inquire how I could minister to others just as I had been ministered to.” Gary has since been a Starting Over coordinator and co-director for the Starting Over Workshop.
Lisa says she felt valued throughout the entire process of the workshop, giving hope to her and her children. She was so grateful for the healing that took place, that she, too, went on to become a Starting Over facilitator, coordinator and co-director for MOSAIC’s Single Adult Ministries.
All three of these individuals were quick to share that Starting Over was not only a safe place to process their pain, but they were able to receive forgiveness and embrace God’s love in the face of crushing personal circumstances. They gained introspection into their own interpersonal needs and insight into building healthy relationships for the future. They developed meaningful friendships that lasted far beyond the weeks of the workshop.
Ultimately, all three embraced a dominant role in helping others with their adjustments, healing and growth through loss. All three said “yes” to taking what God had provided in their time of need and extending the hand of Christ to others who are hurting.
Since Starting Over began in the spring of 1992, over 3,000 people have received help and support through this redemptive process.